Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of cervixsmash's best tweets

@cervixsmash : I'm gonna name my firstborn “arial” and people will be like “oh like the mermaid” and i’ll say “no like the font”

@cervixsmash: I like my women with curves. Lots and lots of curves. In a sort of spiral shape, maybe with ketchup. Curly fries. I like curly fries

@cervixsmash: The first caterpillar to turn into a butterfly must of been like YOOOOOOOOO

@cervixsmash: Psychiatrist cannibal by day, pop star singing sensation by night

Hannibal Montanibal

@cervixsmash: Shout out to slugs for doing everything a snail does without a helmet

@cervixsmash: If a 99 pound person eats 1 pound of nachos that person is 1% nacho

@cervixsmash: If your iPhone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your electronics for you

@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank

@cervixsmash: Every 5 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. Stop this woman

@cervixsmash: The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave