Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ch000ch's best tweets

@ch000ch : 2000 years ago: god: i shall sacrifice my only son so that all may have eternal life Today: god, watching us eat tide pods: jesus christ

@ch000ch: one more hotdog left who wants it [jesus speed walks across jeff's pool]

@ch000ch: when wolves raise a human child no one cares, but when i raise a wolf as my child and send it to elementary school everyone freaks out

@ch000ch: woops did i leave both of my bowling trophies in my hands during sex again that's embarrassing

@ch000ch: Me: hands up, this is a robbery?

7-11 cashier:

Therapist: what did we talk about

Me: (firmly) this is a robbery.

@ch000ch: *crawls back up a waterslide for 2 hours* did you say "go dudette" or "no not yet"

@ch000ch: You: (about to show me a video on your phone)

Me: oh haha ya i've seen this already but def don't ask me any questions about it

@ch000ch: i wanna smoke whatever the people who got hype about seeing a bird and a plane before they realized it was superman were smoking

@ch000ch: Me: hi

Person who just got back from Europe: It was life changing. thank you for asking

@ch000ch: you can skip the karate classes and just buy a black belt. no one will care.