Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of chrisdowning's best tweets

@chrisdowning : Sunflower seeds: For when you want to have a snack while pretending you’re a cockatiel.

@chrisdowning: Anyone mad about favstar shutting down can mail me $30, and I’ll tell your friend you like their tweet.

@chrisdowning: The most high pressure life situation is doing math in front of someone.

@chrisdowning: You're not allowed to judge someone based on their scream in bug related situations.

@chrisdowning: Guys these days will never know the anxiety of calling a girl's home number and having to ask her dad if she's home.

@chrisdowning: If you can pin an animal in the petting zoo down for a three count, you get to take it home.

@chrisdowning: *wakes up in bed with horse’s head, hits snooze button*

@chrisdowning: Chairs are pretty great.

You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.

@chrisdowning: Mozzarella sticks in the streets, mozzarella sticks in the sheets.

There’s never a bad time for mozzarella sticks.