Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of clindsaysway's best tweets

@clindsaysway : Grandma used the same wrapping paper for 25 years, so don't tell me about the great 'bargain' you found.

@clindsaysway: Senator Clinton, what will you do now?

Hillary: Divorce Bill.

@clindsaysway: Heard Santa and his wife separated, which would make them independent Clauses.

@clindsaysway: *helping son with math problem*

[hour later]

JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!

@clindsaysway: FB is the Flanders of social media, Twitter is Moe.

@clindsaysway: Best way to get picked up at a gym is fall off a machine.

@clindsaysway: Meant to say, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." What came out: "I'm available anytime"

@clindsaysway: I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps.