@comer310: Me: Anything you can do I can do better, I CAN DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN YOU!
Mom: Why are you yelling at the dog?
@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.
@comer310: Cop: A ghost killed your family?
Cop: Did u forward yesterday's spooky chain email to 5 ppl?
Cop: Well there you go.
@comer310: Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs*
Friend: Bad breakup?
Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.
@comer310: Kid: Are you the babysitter?
Sting: Yes. Every breath you take. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. It'll be fun!
@comer310: Bro: *on phone* Babe. Babe. Babe. Babe. BABE!
Dude: You're so whipped.
Bro: What? I just got her to rent Babe instead of The Notebook.
@comer310: How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea
Me: *rocks boat*
Me: *rocks faster*
Her: Can we PLEASE go steady?
Me: I do.