Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of comer310's best tweets

@comer310 : Orange: Knock knock Apple: Who's there? O: Orange A: Orange who? O: Orange you glad I didn't say Banana? A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!

@comer310: Me: Anything you can do I can do better, I CAN DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN YOU!

Mom: Why are you yelling at the dog?

@comer310: Yes, of course I love French films.

Have you seen Rugrats in Paris?

@comer310: Hey gurl, were you taped to the inside of a birthday card from my grandmother? Cause you're a dime.

@comer310: Cop: A ghost killed your family?

Guy: Yes!

Cop: Did u forward yesterday's spooky chain email to 5 ppl?

Guy: No?

Cop: Well there you go.

@comer310: Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs*

Friend: Bad breakup?

Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

@comer310: Kid: Are you the babysitter?

Sting: Yes. Every breath you take. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. It'll be fun!

Kid: *horrified*

@comer310: Bro: *on phone* Babe. Babe. Babe. Babe. BABE!

Dude: You're so whipped.

Bro: What? I just got her to rent Babe instead of The Notebook.

@comer310: How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea

Me: *rocks boat*

Her: Hey!

Me: *rocks faster*

Her: Can we PLEASE go steady?

Me: I do.