Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of copymama's best tweets

@copymama : Fact: Moms yelling out "careful!" have saved 3.6 million lives so far this year.

@copymama: Hey, sexy. Wanna merge our DNA and make mini versions of ourselves who will never give us a moment’s peace and destroy all our stuff?

@copymama: *Starts cutting the chicken of the person next to me at a dinner party out of habit*

@copymama: Starting to miss the kids after 5 days at grandma’s, so I wistfully dumped a bin of toys on the floor and sprinkled crumbs on the couch.

@copymama: You: Artfully arranges flowers in vase so the room looks nice
Me: Artfully arranges garbage in trash so the kids don't see what I threw out

@copymama: My 7yo said if she ever gets married she wants to have a pajama-themed wedding, and I feel like my parenting has come to fruition.

@copymama: Parenting is like being a dive bartender: people shout drink orders, you have to listen to their problems, and the place looks like a dump.

@copymama: Telling a mom to relax while her family does everything on Mother’s Day is like telling a pilot to relax while the passengers fly the plane.

@copymama: When I die, I hope people react the way my kids do when the iPad freezes.

@copymama: I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.