Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of cravin4's best tweets

@cravin4 : I'm a creative speller thus no typos, just art.

@cravin4: I made my son a grilled cheese with three pieces of cheese and he said that's too much cheese.

Now my wife is mad at ME for ordering a DNA test.

@cravin4: I think I overdosed on comfort food last night....

That makes 7,427 days in a row.

@cravin4: Two things I learned this weekend are:

1. I'm not too old to get in a hammock.

2. I'm too old to get out of a hammock.

@cravin4: Good morning to everyone except the people who prefer the taste of margarine over butter.

@cravin4: Hey babe, you look hungry. I have a meal for you in my shorts.

*whips out five course meal from my cargo shorts with still frozen dippin dots for dessert*

@cravin4: I started this new workout that helps protect my abs and obliques by rubbing grilled cheese sandwiches on them from the inside then my body puts a protective layer around them on the outside.

@cravin4: I once had sex while drinking a beer and didn't spill a drop.

I only wish there was someone else there to witness it.

@cravin4: When you just stick the tip in and then move it around and around.

- Hand held pencil sharpener

@cravin4: To inspire all the wonderful women of Twitter I'm sending you all good vibes today. Tomorrow I will ship the batteries.