Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of cray_at_home_ma's best tweets

@cray_at_home_ma : And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.

@cray_at_home_ma: Triscuits are a good snack if you've already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands

@cray_at_home_ma: There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops.

@cray_at_home_ma: What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore? Because that I totally get.

@cray_at_home_ma: Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means?

Me: We have to be quick!

*Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*

@cray_at_home_ma: Didn't realize how much motherhood had changed me until I army crawled in & out of my sleeping baby's room to get my 1/2 cup of cold coffee.

@cray_at_home_ma: I realize I put this off but how much weight can I lose in 2 hours?

@cray_at_home_ma: I tucked my kids in last night and said, "See you in the morning!" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise.

@cray_at_home_ma: Me, to all my kids before the age of 2.

"No screens allowed."

On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad.

"This is your mother now."