Funny Tweeter

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Page of cray_at_home_ma's best tweets

@cray_at_home_ma : Welcome to my home! No you're mistaken, it isn't a mess, it's just gallery-style so you can see everything we own at once. Watch your step.

@cray_at_home_ma: Sorry I told you we should definitely hang out sometime and then didn't answer my phone for 5 years

@cray_at_home_ma: In case you're considering having kids, I've been awake since sunrise trying to fulfill breakfast requests of: 1. Pancakes 2. Pizza 3. Green

@cray_at_home_ma: Get married and have kids so that you can be woken up at 4:56 am on a Saturday by someone asking what the opposite of "J" is.

@cray_at_home_ma: And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.

@cray_at_home_ma: Triscuits are a good snack if you've already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands

@cray_at_home_ma: There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops.

@cray_at_home_ma: What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore? Because that I totally get.

@cray_at_home_ma: Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means?

Me: We have to be quick!

*Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*