Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of cwhudson's best tweets

@cwhudson : BARTENDER: okay man, here's your appletini MAN: [upset] this isn't what i ordered BARTENDER: i'm sorry? MAN: why isn't it a tiny apple

@cwhudson: [Olive Garden]
PATRON: there are so many types of pasta
WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless

@cwhudson: [dog walking a human]
*walks by a coffeeshop with its door open*
HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE
DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there

@cwhudson: *taps on a super old dude's oxygen tank* you know that you can get this stuff for free right

@cwhudson: "asparagai" is what i call multiple asparagus, but don't take my word for it. get your own word for multiple asparagus

@cwhudson: [at a loud bar]
HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS?
HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS

@cwhudson: *holding banana up to my ear as if it's a phone*
haha, get it?? it looks like i am making a phonecall. but i'm n-*banana rings* oh crap

@cwhudson: [couple who talks via walkie talkie]
GIRL: [into walkie] this relationship is over, over
GUY: *cries into walkie* it's roger isn't it?? over

@cwhudson: [interview at the Pringles factory]
BOSS: why do you wanna work here?
TENNIS BALL: {don't say to take back the tubes} uhh i love curvy chips

@cwhudson: SURGEON: hold on, i just need to YouTube this part of the procedure
PHONE: *unskippable ad plays*
NURSE: he's dyin
SURGEON: ah crap, hold on