Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dance_blessed's best tweets

@dance_blessed : decorating my apartment

@dance_blessed: Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white.

@dance_blessed: I'm a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.

@dance_blessed: "She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts."
-Romans 1:15

@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.

@dance_blessed: Dear car commercials,
You probably don't mean to scare me but "German engineering" is also why I don't have so many cousins today.

@dance_blessed: Remember: You are like a snowflake. Beautiful. Unique. White. Only here for a short time. People get mad when you sit on their cars.

@dance_blessed: I got this "breathe" tattoo because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder.

@dance_blessed: "You'll never get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have."
-Maya Angelou

@dance_blessed: The club can't even handle me right now. Like, the club's just had a very emotionally draining day and the club's been in a weird place.