Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of daplusk's best tweets

@daplusk : Nephew: [crying in line for Santa photo] Me: what's wrong? Nephew: He scares me Me: why? are you [turns to camera] Claustrophobic?

@daplusk: Worst thing about visiting an art gallery is when my 10 year old nephew yells 'who arted' and i feel i failed as i should've thought of that joke

@daplusk: I assume the hardest part of being in a street gang is not being able to enjoy a Frappuccino in public.

@daplusk: It's unfair that throwing rice at couples is limited to weddings only

@daplusk: Interviewer: give me an example of problem solving
Me: i was fired from my last job and now i'm applying for this one

@daplusk: I'm going to open a restaurant called 'Peace and Quiet' where kids meals cost $150

@daplusk: Teach your children about rejection by getting them a cat

@daplusk: The most uncomfortable part of seeing your work colleague crying at their desk is asking them if it's because they're named Ralph

@daplusk: Sometimes late at night in bed i wonder what life choices do i have to make to be the guy who says 'yeah' in the background of hip hop songs

@daplusk: Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change.