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@darkmatter_wimp : Satan: "I'm gonna put letters in mathematics. Lol!" God: "I'm gonna make them all kill each other because of me." Satan: "Dude..."

@darkmatter_wimp: At the club, a 6'1" girl was crying in my lap.

I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe.

Win-win.

@darkmatter_wimp: I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry.

@darkmatter_wimp: Sure, I can teach you about fractions, kid. Just remember this:

There is a very fine line between the numerator and the denominator.