Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of darksidedeb's best tweets

@darksidedeb : You blow one bubble and suddenly all the other bubbles are talking about you.

@darksidedeb: [on a date]

Him: I love the law.

Me: [trying to impress] I like food courts.

@darksidedeb: To graduate DJ school you have to pass your vinyls.

@darksidedeb: Police officer: You get to make one phone call.

Me: Do I have to?

@darksidedeb: I want a 21 cinnamon bun salute at my funeral.

@darksidedeb: Anyone who believes that the customer is always right has clearly never worked in retail.

Or met people.

@darksidedeb: Can you imagine the pressure Morgan Freeman's mom felt reading him a bedtime story?

@darksidedeb: Maybe I'm driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON'T KNOW.

@darksidedeb: I've started slipping an occasional "meow" into everyday conversations with people to see if they're really listening meow to me.

@darksidedeb: Dear women with cucumber slices on their eyes... you're using it wrong.