Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of darksidedeb's best tweets

@darksidedeb : [first date] Him: I used to have a lazy eye but I had corrective surgery. Me [trying to impress]: My entire body's lazy.

@darksidedeb: Flat-Earthers play basketball with a frisbee.

@darksidedeb: Why is fried chicken the only food we can buy by the bucket?

@darksidedeb: [dinner date]

Him: I think a woman should eat like a bird.

Me: {devours a porterhouse like a pteradactyl}

@darksidedeb: Who named it an army ant and not a combatant?

@darksidedeb: Bull: [angrily snorts]

Bulldog: [angrily barks]

French Bulldog: [angrily chain smokes while reading Sartre]

@darksidedeb: You blow one bubble and suddenly all the other bubbles are talking about you.

@darksidedeb: [on a date]

Him: I love the law.

Me: [trying to impress] I like food courts.

@darksidedeb: To graduate DJ school you have to pass your vinyls.

@darksidedeb: Police officer: You get to make one phone call.

Me: Do I have to?