@david8hughes: Therapist: were you bullied in school?
Therapist: oh, did you have a different haircut in school?
@david8hughes: [at ultrasound]
Dr [preparing gloves]: are you allergic to latex?
Me: yeah that's why we're here
@david8hughes: Wife: don't forget to pick the kids up from school
Me: it's Saturday, they're both upstairs
Wife: it's Wednesday & we have 3 kids
@david8hughes: Her ankles were strong & sturdy, keeping her feet attached to her legs at all times. She had the eyebrows of a livid mechanic.
@david8hughes: [wife drops me at the airport]
Wife: have a safe flight
Me: I have no say in the matter
Wife [already driving off]: die then
@david8hughes: [first day as furniture salesman]
Guy [inspecting bed]: nice, solid frame. Who makes it?
Me: you or your wife. Whoever gets up last really