Funny Tweeter

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Page of davidkenny100's best tweets

@davidkenny100 : Morgan Freeman: I'm not losing my mind, I'm not losing my mind. [Morgan Freeman voice] He was though. He was losing his mind big time

@davidkenny100: When I was growing up, my mum was always saying "you can do it!"

Like when I was asking who was cooking dinner for example

@davidkenny100: I grew up just a stone's throw away from where that whole family died of mysterious head injuries

@davidkenny100: The scene in lady and the tramp but as our lips meet I carry on sucking. You feel the pasta travel back up your throat.
My pasta
My. Pasta

@davidkenny100: What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook.

Wait

@davidkenny100: I live on the edge

Her: cool

It's scary

Her: So sexy

I almost fell once

Her: Oh! You actually live..

My home insurance is so expensive

@davidkenny100: American: I was just at a shotgun wedding

Me: How far pregnant was the bride?

American: You English are insane Shotguns can't get pregnant

@davidkenny100: Gwen Stefani:
🎵this shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S
wait!! If if this shit is bananas then that means...

Cut to kid opening lunch box

@davidkenny100: Pal: on your date, don't let her think you get jealous
on date
Date: the steak please
Me: So you know, I'm cool with you talking to that guy

@davidkenny100: It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye.

So this is your uncle, you live with him now.