@ddsmidt: Caught the neighbor kid teasing my dog, so his mom told me to yell at him any time I like.
I had a bad day, I'm gonna go see if he's home.
@ddsmidt: In the event of a tornado, put some weiners in your pocket.
That way the search dogs will find you first.
@ddsmidt: I told the hubs someone must've broke in and stole his phone charger.
He'll believe that before he'll agree he misplaced it somewhere.
@ddsmidt: Me: If you're going to serve alcohol at a company party, then you shouldn't act so surprised when someone speaks their mind.
HR: Get out
@ddsmidt: As I was driving, some stranger yelled "what's your problem lady?"
So I was honest, I said I drink too much and I can't stop eating chips.
@ddsmidt: Whenever my husband "puts something away" I'm always suspect. I mean, it's not as if he really knows where anything goes.
@ddsmidt: I'm not saying motorcycles are dangerous, but the motorcycle section on Craigslist also has a lot of electric wheelchairs for sale.
@ddsmidt: Estimated assembly time said 20 minutes, it took much longer than that.
Clearly the instruction writer is overly confident in his skills.