@ddsmidt: When you have pets you learn mad skills, like how to make the bed with them still on it.
@ddsmidt: Doctor: How many alcoholic drinks do you consume per week?
Me: *writes number on piece of paper & slides it facedown across table*
@ddsmidt: Today I took the stairs. My legs burned, I was all out of breath and I stopped and I thought to myself… I really need to stop using the stairs.
@ddsmidt: ”My intentions are not pure” I whisper as I put on yoga pants with no intention of doing yoga.
@ddsmidt: I hate it when a stick of butter goes rogue and leaps out of the refrigerator at me when I open the door.
@ddsmidt: Auto correct changed “you all” to “y’all” and now I end all my sentences “bless their heart.“
@ddsmidt: Him: I'd prefer that you just remain unapologetic instead of offering up some non-apology.
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way.
@ddsmidt: Me: I hate it when I realize I’ve made a bad decision, but I’m too far in to turn back.
Bartender: One more then?