Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@decentbirthday : [Battleship: Guilt Edition]
Me: You sunk my Battleship
Friend: Hah yes!
Me: But 70 people were on the ship. They had children
@decentbirthday: [before date]
friend: make everything about her
waiter: *trips and spills food everywhere*
me: *to date* this is all your fault
@decentbirthday: [Mugshot photographer]
Me: now lets do a silly one
@decentbirthday: Barista: Latte for Waldo
Barista: Do we have a Waldo here
Barista: Where's Waldo
Me: *proudly nudging a stranger* I did that
@decentbirthday: Not gonna lie, I'm pretty proud of this one.
@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
@decentbirthday: God: U have to build an ark to save the animals from a tsunami
Noah: But you're god, can't you just stop the tsunami
God: *loves boats* No
@decentbirthday: Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious
@decentbirthday: Buddha: all life is suffering
Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes
@decentbirthday: Me: did you know that abbreviating names can be really confusing?
George Foreman: that's interesting