@delusions_of: My phone always asks if I "Trust This Computer" like it knows something I don't.
@delusions_of: I wish when someone called me my phone had an "Accept", "Decline" and "Send Electric Shock" option.
@delusions_of: Leonardo DiCaprio keeps breaking into my dreams trying to sell me life insurance.
@delusions_of: The guy at the urinal next to me doesn't appreciate my theories on "Game of Thrones".
@delusions_of: I try to pick my battles wisely but earlier I slapped a microwave while screaming at it.
@delusions_of: If attacked by a bear play dead. If that doesn't work play "Tiny Dancer". Bears love that song.