Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of distracdad's best tweets

@distracdad : *boarding helicopter to Jurassic World* Pilot: Why do you guys keep going back there?

@distracdad: Whoever is making cheese commercials can save their money. We’re buying cheese and and we’re never going to stop buying cheese.

@distracdad: Cardi B’s full name is Cardiovascular Blockage

@distracdad: Paper plates were invented by a guy whose wife asked him to do the dishes once.