@djdarrellripley: Hello, I dinged your car. The people watching me leave this note probably think I'm leaving you my name & number.
Signed, Guess Who.
@djdarrellripley: Me: You think you have all the answers but believe me, you need what I have up here..
*points to head*
Her: What, half a bottle of mousse?
@djdarrellripley: Doctor: Alright, your gonna feel a little prick on your hand.
Me: If I feel a little prick on my hand somebody's getting sued...
@djdarrellripley: Her: We can't drive the car, it's stuck in the mud... Doesn't it help if you put something under the back tires?
Me: Are you volunteering?
@djdarrellripley: Her: Remind me if I'm ever on life support, not to have you in charge of pulling the plug.
Me: Yea, like I could get in front of that line.
@djdarrellripley: I am absolutely no good at dumping people. I couldn't even bring myself to switch drycleaners until my old one died...
@djdarrellripley: I'm the kindest, sweetest person you'll ever meet. However, if someone was having a seizure in my bathtub, I'd probably throw in my laundry.
@djdarrellripley: Me: My friend is having a birthday party for his dog.
Her: How old is he?
Me: (Sigh) Too old to be having a birthday party for his dog....