Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dril's best tweets

@dril : i hate i t when girls think im proposing whenever i take the knee at them in protest

@dril: ive decided that nudity is acceptable if irt's done for artistic reasons, like, promoting a mattress store,

@dril: broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him

@dril: oerdering 40 plates of baby back ribs on a stolen credit card so that i can get enough wet naps to clean my entire body #JustGuyShit #normal

@dril: so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement

@dril: BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES

@dril: ME: please show me the posts in the order that they were made
COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this

@dril: i am developing a ground brekaing new app called "MOneyWallet", where you earn "Money Points" by mailing cash to my house

@dril: glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders,

@dril: let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box,