Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dril's best tweets

@dril : The reason the "Cars" movies have gained so much popularity is becuase the cars speak to one another. You don't get that with real life cars

@dril: i would take so many bribes if i was a judge. half my shit would be bribes. take bribes from the criminals until theyre too poor to do crime

@dril: the vatican should not be allowed to name any new saints until God sorts out my numerous issues with the citibank web portal

@dril: restuarants need to start hanging up pictures of their bathrooms outside so i know what im getting before i walk in the damn place

@dril: i hate i t when girls think im proposing whenever i take the knee at them in protest

@dril: ive decided that nudity is acceptable if irt's done for artistic reasons, like, promoting a mattress store,

@dril: broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him

@dril: oerdering 40 plates of baby back ribs on a stolen credit card so that i can get enough wet naps to clean my entire body #JustGuyShit #normal

@dril: so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement

@dril: BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES