Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : I have jury duty tomorrow so whoever it is, they’re getting the chair

@dumbbeezie: I got a final Jeopardy question right and now my pinky won’t stay down when I take a drink

@dumbbeezie: My phone only recognizes my fingerprint if it has cheese on it

@dumbbeezie: Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask myself, why don’t I have a hedgehog?

@dumbbeezie: My friend takes things for granite because she didn’t finish high school

@dumbbeezie: The guy who named peacocks was never allowed to name anything again

@dumbbeezie: I hang crystals in my window as a warning to other crystals

@dumbbeezie: If I ever want to keep a secret from a man, I’ll put it in the fridge. They can’t find anything in there.

@dumbbeezie: At least my meth head neighbor mows his lawn. It’s at 4 am and he’s naked, but still

@dumbbeezie: Oh you hid the snacks? Sorry, I majored in finding snacks