Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : Me: time to sleep
Brain: You have zero skills that would be useful in an apocalypse so when they start to ration food supplies, people will eat you

@dumbbeezie: We should have burned social media to the ground when they started helping us reconnect with old friends

@dumbbeezie: How about a bird that ruins people’s lives

-God creating roosters

@dumbbeezie: I want a job waking people up that I dislike.

Or I guess I could just get married

@dumbbeezie: I am not on a plant based diet but my lungs are

@dumbbeezie: I just want to know enough sign language to convince people to stop talking to me

@dumbbeezie: Your friends will stand by you even when you’re at your worst because people are stupid

@dumbbeezie: Shout out to feathers for keeping birds from being scary as hell

@dumbbeezie: Babies have no idea when one of them is cuter than the other. So you have to tell them

@dumbbeezie: “Forever” is just a romantic word for “until we get bored or one of us dies”