Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : My medical bracelet just says “Call 911” because people are idiots

@dumbbeezie: Sometimes I pet a cat just to make it bathe itself all over again

@dumbbeezie: Shout out to the people who deleted their twitter accounts on New Years, see you in a few days

@dumbbeezie: Time to go to the liquor store, I’m almost out of holiday spirit

@dumbbeezie: Find a man who pays attention to what you say as much as Google ads does

@dumbbeezie: It’s sad how many people out there are not getting the lobotomy surgery they need

@dumbbeezie: Peeing in the dark like some kind of pilgrim because you’re at someone else’s house and can’t find the light switch

@dumbbeezie: Vampires have to scroll forever to get to their birth year

@dumbbeezie: The heavy sighs are coming from inside the kitchen. A passive aggressive horror story

@dumbbeezie: Cashier: Next
Me: Why are these fingerless gloves full price?
Cashier: Oh shit it’s you again