Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : Some days you’re the dodgeball, some days you’re the face

@dumbbeezie: People just like to argue.

People: No we don’t

@dumbbeezie: Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge

@dumbbeezie: My pet bird bit me so I showed him a picture of a rotisserie chicken

@dumbbeezie: Me: WebMD what does it mean when-
WebMD: You’re dead
Me: But
WebMD: Dead
Me: But I didn’t even ask a question yet
WebMD: Because you’re dead

@dumbbeezie: Sorry I’m breaking up with you but you have terrible taste in women

@dumbbeezie: Kids who were good at lying grew up to be meteorologists

@dumbbeezie: If you see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me

@dumbbeezie: (Has hundreds of bad experiences smelling things)
Him: Smell this
Me: Okay

@dumbbeezie: Maintains eye contact with the cashier as he rings up my gloves, duct tape, knife and tampons