Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : No I don't want to watch the video on your phone. My phone doesn't like me looking at other phones.

@dumbbeezie: When someone says they have a surprise I quickly tell myself it's probably not cake. I'm tired of the let down.

@dumbbeezie: Be careful who you piss off around here because some people use caps lock

@dumbbeezie: Day 15 of unemployment, still no job listings for dog petters

@dumbbeezie: Friend: I'm getting married

Me: OMG, I'm so sorry. How long do you have?

@dumbbeezie: Goodnight everyone except the guy who invented that thing that shows that you are typing something

@dumbbeezie: Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie

@dumbbeezie: I don't have Facebook I use the police to tell my friends and family when I'm doing badly

@dumbbeezie: Please don't leave that cake alone with me

@dumbbeezie: I do the same thing every other woman my age does in the shower. Argue with people in my head.