Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : Please say a prayer for my former coworkers. They’re fine but they still work there

@dumbbeezie: I’ve never texted someone to let them know I made it home safe. Shoulda come with me if you wanted details

@dumbbeezie: I love selfies. They kill more people than sharks

@dumbbeezie: I have jury duty tomorrow so whoever it is, they’re getting the chair

@dumbbeezie: I got a final Jeopardy question right and now my pinky won’t stay down when I take a drink

@dumbbeezie: My phone only recognizes my fingerprint if it has cheese on it

@dumbbeezie: Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask myself, why don’t I have a hedgehog?

@dumbbeezie: My friend takes things for granite because she didn’t finish high school

@dumbbeezie: The guy who named peacocks was never allowed to name anything again

@dumbbeezie: I hang crystals in my window as a warning to other crystals