@dxblarssonENG: It's weird how all the UFOs started disappearing once our cameras got better.
@dxblarssonENG: Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college.
@dxblarssonENG: I'm such a slave to the man working on a Saturday night.
A drunk slave but whatever. Atleast my e-mails to my boss are hilarious now.
@dxblarssonENG: Top three reasons he doesn't text you back:
1. He's just not that into you
2. He's imaginary
3. He's a cat
@dxblarssonENG: Teenage daughter called me an old fart.
We both laughed and then I changed the password to our wifi.
@dxblarssonENG: I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos.
@dxblarssonENG: "No Karen I don't want to see pics of your ugly kids & stupid cats" or as I usually say: "Awww how cute"
@dxblarssonENG: Riverdance was invented by an Irish family with 7kids but only one toilet.