@eff_yeah_steph: Goat: So, I make a ridiculous sound?
Goat: Anything else weird I should know about?
God: Horizontal Pupils
Goat: What the- *stiffens, falls sideways*
God: YouTube is gonna love you.
@eff_yeah_steph: We were stuck in traffic once when I was a kid and I had to pee so badly that I cried and my mom gave me a coffee cup to pee in and I think about that day every time I pee in a coffee cup.
@eff_yeah_steph: *first date*
Him: So, I’m a youth minister.
Me: Oh, cool. *googling cast of the bible* I really like...Lucifer.
@eff_yeah_steph: Daughter: Anyone there?
Ouija Board: S P O T
Daughter: But Spot went to live at the farm
Ouija Board: N O
ME: *tips over whole table with ouija board* go clean your room
@eff_yeah_steph: *in the basement organizing LEGO by color and size*
My child: Can I help?
Me: *straight up hissing noises*
@eff_yeah_steph: People who think it’s okay to drop by,
It’s not okay. If you aren’t carrying an Amazon box for me, do not even consider ringing my doorbell for I will hide from you even after we make eye contact through the window on your walk up the sidewalk I DGAF.