Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of eff_yeah_steph's best tweets

@eff_yeah_steph : [first day as a vampire] *squirts ranch on your neck*

@eff_yeah_steph: Him: Is this a sex thing?

Me: *smoothing mashed potatoes over my chest* Ew, no. This is just my tater-top.

@eff_yeah_steph: My mom found a Barbie Dreamhouse at a garage sale when I was a kid, but all the stickers were ripped off so I drew on appliances and wallpaper. Debbie, down the street, called it Barbie Crackhouse and now she wants to be my friend on Facebook? Ha!

@eff_yeah_steph: When I was a kid, I used to flip my bike upside down and turn the pedals with my hands pretending it was an ice cream making machine. And that’s all you need to know about before online times.

@eff_yeah_steph: *puts eight small cups of urine on the nurse's station*

Nurse: We only need one.

*puts seven small cups of urine in my purse*

@eff_yeah_steph: First day of packing for a move: *dresses each Barbie before putting them in a box*

Second day of packing for a move: *dumps entire contents of desk drawer into Target bag and ties it up with USB cord*

@eff_yeah_steph: Him: Do you have any food in your purse?

Me: I call it my Snack pocket. My snocket.

Him: Not all words need to be-

Me: ALL OPTIONS SHOULD BE EXPLORED DO YOU WANT THIS Ziplock OF WARM BABY CARROTS OR NOT?

@eff_yeah_steph: Just cleaned out my purse if anyone needs 17 pens or a tooth.

@eff_yeah_steph: I just flashed a goofy smile at the guy coming out of the bathroom at the coffee place because thought it was my husband. Then, to make it less awkward I said, “sorry you’re not my husband”.

@eff_yeah_steph: *sees dead squirrel on the road*
Oh, poor squirrel.
*realizes it’s just a sock*
*whispers*
poor sock