Funny Tweeter

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Page of eff_yeah_steph's best tweets

@eff_yeah_steph : We were stuck in traffic once when I was a kid and I had to pee so badly that I cried and my mom gave me a coffee cup to pee in and I think about that day every time I pee in a coffee cup.

@eff_yeah_steph: Friend: Hi, How have you been?

Me: Why? What have you heard?

@eff_yeah_steph: *first date*

Him: So, I’m a youth minister.

Me: Oh, cool. *googling cast of the bible* I really like...Lucifer.

@eff_yeah_steph: Daughter: Anyone there?

Ouija Board: S P O T

Daughter: But Spot went to live at the farm

Ouija Board: N O

ME: *tips over whole table with ouija board* go clean your room

@eff_yeah_steph: *in the basement organizing LEGO by color and size*

My child: Can I help?

Me: *straight up hissing noises*

@eff_yeah_steph: People who think it’s okay to drop by,

It’s not okay. If you aren’t carrying an Amazon box for me, do not even consider ringing my doorbell for I will hide from you even after we make eye contact through the window on your walk up the sidewalk I DGAF.

@eff_yeah_steph: Him: Is this a sex thing?

Me: *smoothing mashed potatoes over my chest* Ew, no. This is just my tater-top.

@eff_yeah_steph: My mom found a Barbie Dreamhouse at a garage sale when I was a kid, but all the stickers were ripped off so I drew on appliances and wallpaper. Debbie, down the street, called it Barbie Crackhouse and now she wants to be my friend on Facebook? Ha!