Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ehchino's best tweets

@ehchino : [First date] So what do you do for a living? "I'm a florist" WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT'S LAVA?

@ehchino: "What is your reason for divorce?"
She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'

@ehchino: [Couples counseling]
"It's not good to keep these things bottles up, you know"
Okay, fine
*opens jar of wasps*

@ehchino: [first date]
I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous
"That's okay"
*jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*

@ehchino: How do I know you're not a cop?
"If I was a cop, how would I have this?"
*shows police badge that just says 'Not a Cop' on it*
Oh, okay good

@ehchino: Kid 1: I'm bored
Kid 2: me too
Kid 3: our parents gave us horrible names