@elle91: I'm afraid my neighbors are starting to notice that I can't tell them apart but greet each of their dogs by name.
@elle91: Shift the power at family gatherings by telling older relatives you didn't recognize them because they've gotten so big.
@elle91: How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe:
1. Are you wearing Axe?
Yes- That's too much.
@elle91: In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life.
@elle91: A haiku to my boss who asked me to work this weekend:
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha no
@elle91: Me: God, I just feel so
M: No, I'm very alone. I desperately want
M: Part of me is missing. All I need is
@elle91: "I'm going to make a great mother one day" I whisper to myself as I catch my burrito mid-fall and only a single bean spills out
@elle91: Everyone should own large grizzly bear in case they ever need to defend themselves against one.
@elle91: The cool thing about robbing a library is that you have two weeks before they notice.