Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of envydatropic's best tweets

@envydatropic : I saw a car flipped over on the way to work and I was envious because they probably get to take the day off

@envydatropic: Drive thru service was invented for those of us who don't have the energy to look presentable at 6 in the morning but need that coffee.

I'm so sorry dunkin donuts drive thru window worker.

@envydatropic: Someone just got sent home for having a meltdown. I've never been so jealous of a coworker in my life.

@envydatropic: You would think with the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" that there would be more body builders walking around.

@envydatropic: I opened a card at my desk that was decorated with glitter and now my coworkers think I have a night job.

@envydatropic: *Plot Twist*

Your dog loses his mind with excitement when you leave for work instead of when you get home.

@envydatropic: Highway to Hell is my favorite song about driving to work

@envydatropic: News "Don't go outside. The temperatures are life threatening"

Hot flash "LOL. Challenge accepted."

@envydatropic: I didn't believe in miracles until I folded the laundry this morning and all the socks had a match.

@envydatropic: I'm only grabbing fast food to refill my napkin collection in the car.