Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of envydatropic's best tweets

@envydatropic : There are two versions of every story and the drunk one is usually the better one

@envydatropic: If my dog goes missing I have 3,789,897 current photos. If my kids go missing I have 3 photos from 5 years ago.

@envydatropic: Tequila is made from a plant so you could say I've been vegan so far this weekend

@envydatropic: I'm going to remember this night forever!!!

Tequila - You sure about that?

@envydatropic: 99 bottles of beer on the wall?

Challenge accepted

@envydatropic: There's no quicker evacuation than alcohol telling your stomach the party is over

@envydatropic: Establish dominance over old people by yelling BINGO when you don't really have it

@envydatropic: Want guests to leave early? Don't give them your WiFi password

You're welcome

@envydatropic: *Opens Google*

What date does Cinco de Mayo fall on this year?