@ericonederful: This impeachment is taking forever. I told you we should've bought impeachment pro. Now we have to watch all of these ads.
@ericonederful: Pastor: pray for your enemies.
Me: Dear god, please kill all of my enemies.
Pastor: no! Not like that!
Me: too late. I already said amen.
@ericonederful: I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.
If you kill a spider while you're at her place, congratulations. You will be having sex.
P.S. Bring a spider.
@ericonederful: I was on a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.