@ewfeez: [Kool-Aid Man breaks thru wall]
[breaks 2nd wall]
[breaks 4th wall]
I've had many, many concussions
@ewfeez: The best thing about being Bane has gotta be that he can just slice a hardboiled egg straight into his pie hole
@ewfeez: Whenever a guy named Stephen tries to tell me what to do I shout, "you're not my real hen!" and run away
@ewfeez: "We've traced the call. It's coming from INSIDE THE HORSE!"
-Trojan 911 dispatcher
@ewfeez: [wife walks in on me rubbing coconut oil all over my body]
What are you doing?
"Uhh, SOMEONE said I don't glisten very well?"
@ewfeez: If u want to get out of a conversation in public just say "I've gotta take this" then steal the nearest for-sale item and get arrested.