Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fightforfood's best tweets

@fightforfood : [dentist's full hand and wrist in my mouth, also his keys?] so u visited Spain u said? tell me. tell me every goddamn detail about Spain

@fightforfood: Whenever Becky says anything in the breakroom, I just say, "well, that got racist pretty fast" and walk out. I hate you so much, Becky.

@fightforfood: You can pretty much tell me anything is an anagram and I'll believe it. I'm not about to rearrange a bunch of letters like some doctor

@fightforfood: I'm sick of this one horse town
*moves to two horse town*
No, no, this is too much

@fightforfood: Let's talk about Sex Baby. I regret you naming our son that. You're a real piece of shit, Tammy.

@fightforfood: The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die

@fightforfood: There's no dumb questio—

"Why'd my parents get divorced?"

See. His parents most likely split up because he's an interrupting little shit

@fightforfood: When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress? I'd prefer if you included tigress

@fightforfood: A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, "I don't speak dog," and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.

@fightforfood: I'm not saying Goldilocks was a piece of shit, but she broke into someone's house and just started eating their breakfast.