Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of frankzulla's best tweets

@frankzulla : "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." - Twitter IT engineer that pressed the button for the 280 character limit update

@frankzulla: Life is too short beautiful and unpredictable to not tell people how you really feel

Her: That's so sweet, I-

Green Day is overrated

Her:

@frankzulla: You ever rub yourself with tuna and go to a cat shelter to seem like you're a cat whisperer?

Doc: We're gonna need a bigger straightjacket.

@frankzulla: What pharmaceutical advertisements love most:

Slow motion
Flowery meadows
Horrifying side effects
Old people sex
White people making dinner

@frankzulla: "Well maybe they shouldn't make soap out of animal fat if they didn't want people to eat it!" I yell from the emergency room, mouth foaming

@frankzulla: "Ohhh, a knife! What are you gonna do, stab me or something?"

- Guy about to get stabbed bad

@frankzulla: "How do you talk to an angel"

Me: I don't know, Skype I guess?

"How do you hold her close to where you are"

Me: Aren't most angels men?

@frankzulla: Your lips say no, but your eyes say- oh shit she's calling the cops!

@frankzulla: Watching an episode of Star Trek (original series) and my 8 year old says the uniforms remind her of The Wiggles.

I can't unsee it now

@frankzulla: I still remember taking down that bullying 12 year old on the playground like it was yesterday. My Dad was so proud. Ah, to be 30 again!