@geowizzacist: (3am, my kid wakes up)
Me: *Pretends to be asleep*
My wife: *Pretends to be more asleep*
Me: *Pretends to be even more asleep*
My wife: *Pretends to be even way more asleep*
@geowizzacist: Me: Everything ok?
My 4yo (in the next room giving the carpet a haircut): Yep.
@geowizzacist: My 4yo: Let's play a game!
Me: Is it you throw toys around the house and I pick them up?
4: No. Yes.
@geowizzacist: I just stabbed a pin in my arm.
Somewhere out there a bunch of voodoo dolls just said 'Ouch.'
@geowizzacist: I'm just a regular guy going for a regular jog with a regular plasma TV being chased by the regular police.
@geowizzacist: *finds a sock behind the washing machine*
*plays loud dramatic romantic music as I reunite two socks*
@geowizzacist: Me: can I start calling him 3.5 yet?
Wife: do you even know his name anymore?
Me: yes wife of course I know his name.