@girl_a_whirl: I've been training my family to be future Survivor contestants. If you can find food in my house, you can make it anywhere.
@girl_a_whirl: *doorbell rings, I open door*
Alien: Hi! Do you have a moment so I can teach you highly advanced life skills that will save your species?
Me: Yes! My vacuum is making a funny noise. Could you look at it?
Alien calls back to mothership: Can't I just vaporize her?
@girl_a_whirl: [Speed dating]
Me: Have you won any awards for playing the Quiet Game?
@girl_a_whirl: [Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a pogo stick]
@girl_a_whirl: Bad cop *plants drugs in perps car*
Gardener cop *adds mulch & Miracle-Gro®*
@girl_a_whirl: Salesperson: What a cute service dog! How does he help you?
Me: Pete, purse!
*Pete pees on Louis Vuitton
Me: I'll take it for 50% off
@girl_a_whirl: The Sound of Music taught me if you don't like your country's regime, you & your family can safely escape through various musical numbers.