@girlnarly: tv host: and you’re all going home with a copy of his new book!
me: pfft i am NOT learning to read for that guy
@girlnarly: me: my mom’s here to visit
him: oh. did you meet her at the bus station?
me: no i’ve pretty much known her my whole life
@girlnarly: doctor: have you thought about the diva cup?
me: listen i’m good but i don’t know that i could compete with other divas
@girlnarly: scientist: this machine erases your bad memories instantly. any volunteers?
me: i’ll give it a go
scientist: but you were just here yesterday
me: i’ve made some bad life choices since then
@girlnarly: Gordon Ramsay: *smashing things* WHY IS THE OVEN FACING THE WALL?!?
me: dude you told me to set it at 180 degrees
@girlnarly: [first day as a hairdresser]
customer: can you take off a foot?
me: *sharpening axe* no problem
@girlnarly: [ikea date]
him: let’s go check out the beds ;)
me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?