Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of girlnarly's best tweets

@girlnarly : boss asked me to get an accurate headcount and i said pretty sure everyone’s only got one my dude

@girlnarly: in second grade there was a new girl in my class named Treasure and her parents were hippies. i remember thinking hippies weren’t that bad. and then i met her little sister Tammy. they gave up on cool names after ONE kid! don’t be Treasure’s parents

@girlnarly: [driving test]
me: *doing donuts*
instructor: what the hell?!
me: i thought i saw a cop

@girlnarly: him: you should really take something for your kleptomania
me: ok *steals the tv*

@girlnarly: [first day as a buddhist] go ahead. name a person more patient than me. i’ll wait.

@girlnarly: [ground control to major tom] so like, what time is it in space right now?

@girlnarly: tv host: and you’re all going home with a copy of his new book!
me: pfft i am NOT learning to read for that guy

@girlnarly: me: my mom’s here to visit
him: oh. did you meet her at the bus station?
me: no i’ve pretty much known her my whole life

@girlnarly: [first day as a hacker] *puts ax down* i got inside their computer alright

@girlnarly: doctor: have you thought about the diva cup?

me: listen i’m good but i don’t know that i could compete with other divas