Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of girlnarly's best tweets

@girlnarly : [first day as a buddhist] go ahead. name a person more patient than me. i’ll wait.

@girlnarly: [ground control to major tom] so like, what time is it in space right now?

@girlnarly: tv host: and you’re all going home with a copy of his new book!
me: pfft i am NOT learning to read for that guy

@girlnarly: me: my mom’s here to visit
him: oh. did you meet her at the bus station?
me: no i’ve pretty much known her my whole life

@girlnarly: [first day as a hacker] *puts ax down* i got inside their computer alright

@girlnarly: doctor: have you thought about the diva cup?

me: listen i’m good but i don’t know that i could compete with other divas

@girlnarly: scientist: this machine erases your bad memories instantly. any volunteers?

me: i’ll give it a go

scientist: but you were just here yesterday

me: i’ve made some bad life choices since then

@girlnarly: Gordon Ramsay: *smashing things* WHY IS THE OVEN FACING THE WALL?!?

me: dude you told me to set it at 180 degrees

@girlnarly: [first day as a hairdresser]

customer: can you take off a foot?

me: *sharpening axe* no problem

@girlnarly: [ikea date]

him: let’s go check out the beds ;)

me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?