@girlnarly: in second grade there was a new girl in my class named Treasure and her parents were hippies. i remember thinking hippies weren’t that bad. and then i met her little sister Tammy. they gave up on cool names after ONE kid! don’t be Treasure’s parents
@girlnarly: [driving test]
me: *doing donuts*
instructor: what the hell?!
me: i thought i saw a cop
@girlnarly: him: you should really take something for your kleptomania
me: ok *steals the tv*
@girlnarly: [first day as a buddhist] go ahead. name a person more patient than me. i’ll wait.
@girlnarly: tv host: and you’re all going home with a copy of his new book!
me: pfft i am NOT learning to read for that guy
@girlnarly: me: my mom’s here to visit
him: oh. did you meet her at the bus station?
me: no i’ve pretty much known her my whole life
@girlnarly: doctor: have you thought about the diva cup?
me: listen i’m good but i don’t know that i could compete with other divas