@girlontapas: I tried to let the wine breathe but it needed mouth to mouth.
So who's the hero now?
@girlontapas: My Cinderella story is backward.
I started out a princess.
Got drunk and lost a shoe when I
met a handsome guy.
Now I scrub the floors.
@girlontapas: I hate it when I want wine and the wine home delivery man hasn't been invented yet.
@girlontapas: That awkward moment when he asks you if you're mad and you assure him that you're very happy and he says...
"No, I meant, you seem crazy."
@girlontapas: Establish dominance by licking the spoon and then putting it back in the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.
@girlontapas: I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20.
@girlontapas: How is it that my kids can never find their own shoes but...
Easily find the one ice cream sandwich I hid behind the peas in the freezer.