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@gitson_shiggles : People that call their kids Randy, is that short for Randolph or Randrew?
@gitson_shiggles: Everyone has that one vegetable that brings up memories of an ex
@gitson_shiggles: Hug your kids as often as possible.
They can't break your shit when you've got them in a full body lock
@gitson_shiggles: Cryptocurrency sounds like an entrance fee to a mausoleum.
@gitson_shiggles: This is not my forté. It's not even my threeté if I'm being honest.
@gitson_shiggles: I could totally identify with REM if the song had been called "Losing my Shit" instead
@gitson_shiggles: Why do preachers call them sermons and not Godcasts?
@gitson_shiggles: Dear guy that just shoplifted a brick from the supply centre, how close are you to finishing the construction of your dream home?
@gitson_shiggles: Me: "I love you so much. I bought you this beautiful rare green rose."
GF: "That's a cabbage....."
Me: "YOU ARE SOOOO UNGRATEFUL, DIANE."
@gitson_shiggles: If people on Twitter found a horses' head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops.....