@gitson_shiggles: I could totally identify with REM if the song had been called "Losing my Shit" instead
@gitson_shiggles: Dear guy that just shoplifted a brick from the supply centre, how close are you to finishing the construction of your dream home?
@gitson_shiggles: Me: "I love you so much. I bought you this beautiful rare green rose."
GF: "That's a cabbage....."
Me: "YOU ARE SOOOO UNGRATEFUL, DIANE."
@gitson_shiggles: If people on Twitter found a horses' head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops.....
@gitson_shiggles: Still trying to convince my boss that I'm just using beer-flavoured toothpaste.
@gitson_shiggles: Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that "Caitlyn Jenner" was not a valid answer.