Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of gwatts77's best tweets

@gwatts77 : If I donate blood and you're in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don't blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.

@gwatts77: Me: Can I order the conch fritters please?
Waitress: The "ch" is pronounced like a "k"
Me: Okay Bick.

@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant.

Related: I've got some balloons for sale.

@gwatts77: Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.

@gwatts77: A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.

@gwatts77: Judging by how all of these ladies tweet about cucumbers I'm pretty sure size does matter because I never see them tweeting about carrots :(

@gwatts77: Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.

@gwatts77: Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.

@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver.

Yes, "Bring weed, bro"