Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of hellohappy_time's best tweets

@hellohappy_time : CAUTION : THE ROADS ARE SO DANGEROUS RIGHT NOW UNLESS YOU WANNA GO GET ME SOME BAGELS, THEN THEY ARE FINE

@hellohappy_time: I think I have resting watching sex scene with my parents face

@hellohappy_time: [texting old friend I only hung out with cuz they had a trampoline] do u still got that trampoline

@hellohappy_time: 3rd base is actually watching a horror movie then looking up theories about the ending on message boards together

@hellohappy_time: To hairstylist: [makes series of incomprehensible gestures around my head shape] so exactly that or I’ll cry

@hellohappy_time: [me when I see a dog walking alone without a leash] exactly who is representing you my lad

@hellohappy_time: heard you like bad girls so I squeezed lemon juice on my fish even though the waiter grabbed me & was like "no, there's already lemon on it"

@hellohappy_time: Welcome to Hypochondriac Club. First- oh, Kim looks a bit pale. Kim you shouldn't have come if you're sick. Now I feel pale do I look pale

@hellohappy_time: Can I be wracked with something other than guilt. Like. Can I be wracked with spaghetti.

@hellohappy_time: My parents were always subverting gender norms. Mom grilled. Dad watched lifetime movies. Both wept when I left the lasagna out all night.