@hellohappy_time: My parents were always subverting gender norms. Mom grilled. Dad watched lifetime movies. Both wept when I left the lasagna out all night.
@hellohappy_time: [at deli]
me: I'll take a platonic male friend that doesn't treat me like their manic pixie therapist
lady: we have cole slaw
@hellohappy_time: Me: [shaking uncontrollably watching political satire]
Her: are you alright?
Me: YES THIS IS HOW I RELAX NOW
@hellohappy_time: This kid was such a psycho, I told him his food was an airplane and he willingly ate it not questioning all the living passengers aboard.
@hellohappy_time: "Hope you don't mind, I just like to smoke a little after sex" I say tossing the entire body of a salmon over a charcoal pit
@hellohappy_time: A girl started to drink barbecue sauce like it was water and I just stood there and watched because I haven't been trained for this
@hellohappy_time: We can only blame SO much on trump. Some things are just Ryan Seacrest's fault.