Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of hippieswordfish's best tweets

@hippieswordfish : 'welcome to helicopter class. any questions..' *student raises hand* *arm gets obliterated by chopper blades* 'can wait until we go inside'

@hippieswordfish: extremely suspicious that there's no information about brains that didn't come from a brain

@hippieswordfish: ME: *falls down the stairs* help buddy im hurt bad call 911
ROBE-BOT: another robe sir?

@hippieswordfish: my goth girlfriend says she likes me for who i am on the inside (a skeleton)

@hippieswordfish: *sees red lobster commercial*
oh shit that looks good
*goes to red lobster*
what the absolute hell happened in here

@hippieswordfish: CAVEMAN 1: i make this. it called fire

CAVEMAN 2: how u do that?!

CAVEMAN 1: um *thinking about how he was making 2 sticks have sex* magic

@hippieswordfish: COP: put ur hands in the air
ME: ok
C: now flip them over
M: k?
C: now cross them
M: what
C: put them behind ur head
M: why-
C: hey macarena

@hippieswordfish: [in traction] Before you ask, yes you can make cheese from moose milk and no I didn't think she'd spook so easy.