Funny Tweeter

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Page of hippieswordfish's best tweets

@hippieswordfish : my goth girlfriend says she likes me for who i am on the inside (a skeleton)

@hippieswordfish: *sees red lobster commercial*
oh shit that looks good
*goes to red lobster*
what the absolute hell happened in here

@hippieswordfish: CAVEMAN 1: i make this. it called fire

CAVEMAN 2: how u do that?!

CAVEMAN 1: um *thinking about how he was making 2 sticks have sex* magic

@hippieswordfish: COP: put ur hands in the air
ME: ok
C: now flip them over
M: k?
C: now cross them
M: what
C: put them behind ur head
M: why-
C: hey macarena

@hippieswordfish: [in traction] Before you ask, yes you can make cheese from moose milk and no I didn't think she'd spook so easy.

@hippieswordfish: ME: I JUST WENT TO THAT NEW SALON WHERE THEY CUT YOUR HAIR OFF BY SHOOTING IT WITH A GUN
FRIEND: oh cool how was it
ME: WHAT

@hippieswordfish: you can't believe it's not butter? buddy, almost everything is not butter

@hippieswordfish: *emerges from a large magic lamp,* it's me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like 'drive me to the airport'