Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of hippieswordfish's best tweets

@hippieswordfish : ME: so basically it's like the batsignal except it's the golden arches so you know when the mcrib is back SANTA: please get off my lap

@hippieswordfish: Cop burst through every window of my house as I perform the illegal Google search 'teen age mutant ninja turtles with no Shells on '

@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to helicopter class. any questions..'
*student raises hand*
*arm gets obliterated by chopper blades*
'can wait until we go inside'

@hippieswordfish: extremely suspicious that there's no information about brains that didn't come from a brain

@hippieswordfish: ME: *falls down the stairs* help buddy im hurt bad call 911
ROBE-BOT: another robe sir?

@hippieswordfish: my goth girlfriend says she likes me for who i am on the inside (a skeleton)

@hippieswordfish: *sees red lobster commercial*
oh shit that looks good
*goes to red lobster*
what the absolute hell happened in here

@hippieswordfish: CAVEMAN 1: i make this. it called fire

CAVEMAN 2: how u do that?!

CAVEMAN 1: um *thinking about how he was making 2 sticks have sex* magic

@hippieswordfish: COP: put ur hands in the air
ME: ok
C: now flip them over
M: k?
C: now cross them
M: what
C: put them behind ur head
M: why-
C: hey macarena