Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of hipstermermaid's best tweets

@hipstermermaid : "The Shining" is my favorite documentary about what happens when you don't have an Internet connection.

@hipstermermaid: I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane.

@hipstermermaid: You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father's Day, internet.

@hipstermermaid: Donald Trump is like the "Scream" movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.

@hipstermermaid: 1886: We invented a car!
1903: We invented a plane!
1969: We went to the moon!
...
...
...
...
...
...
2015: Taco Emoji!

@hipstermermaid: I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.

@hipstermermaid: *yawning at an art museum*
"I already saw that on Tumblr."

@hipstermermaid: I'm going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it.

@hipstermermaid: A haunted house where they make you look at your checking account balance.