Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of iLikeCatShirts's best tweets

@iLikeCatShirts : Me: *nudges wife* Hey, are you sleeping? Wife: *pumps shotgun*

@iLikeCatShirts: Got fired from Taco Bell because I was lick-sealing the burritos like a joint.

@iLikeCatShirts: Me [trying to get respect from my family after eating 12 hotdogs] how many more hotdogs do I need to eat before you respect me?

Mom: we just want you to get a job. Give me the *sound of a struggle* hotdogs

@iLikeCatShirts: Dads out on the dance floor just respecting the heck out of the fine craftsmanship of the wood and stain.

@iLikeCatShirts: Me [to my friends]: No one ever invites Gary out because he always has some strange contraption.

*Gary pole vaults past us*

@iLikeCatShirts: House 4 Sale: older home w/ character & charm. Lovely bookshelves. Ignore Matthew McConaughey, we don't know how he got trapped in the wall.

@iLikeCatShirts: Zac meets Ron
Zac dates Ron
Zac takes Ron home
Zac Efron

@iLikeCatShirts: Thank you hotel for offering me the convenience of making coffee in the bathroom

@iLikeCatShirts: Burger King needs a new slogan. Something like "we clean our bathrooms now."