Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of iamspacegirl's best tweets

@iamspacegirl : *ring* Mrs. Rabbit: Hello? Mr. McGregor: Your kid's in my yard again. Mrs. Rabbit: Oh i'm so sorry, is he- Mr. McGregor: yea he's naked

@iamspacegirl: if squids were land animals sometimes you'd be walking along and you'd look up and BAM squid in a tree

@iamspacegirl: uh NEWS FLASH Keith ur name rhymes w/ teeth.
Yea
how do u like them apples Mouth Boy.
How do u like them apples promoting good oral hygiene

@iamspacegirl: Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage

Elves: no!

Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light

@iamspacegirl: every snail has a perfectly baked cinnamon bun inside its shell

@iamspacegirl: which part of the centaur carries the centaur babies is it the lady torso or the horse torso and why can't I stop thinking about this

@iamspacegirl: *brain waking up*
oh god please not again I can't keep existing in this reality

*brain 20 minutes later*
1000000 chameleons is a chamillion

@iamspacegirl: [answering door on halloween]

NEIGHBORHOOD MOM:
please stop giving the children hamsters

ME *hands full of hamsters*:
but it's Halloween

@iamspacegirl: Me: oh hi! Did you come over because I'm sad? How do you always know when I need you?

Cat: get me my damn jingle mouse.

Me: I love you too

@iamspacegirl: Columbus: I claim this cake for Spain.
Also these Slim Jims are for Spain, too.
And maybe the

me: dude, that's my mom's cassero-

C: Spain.