Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of iliezabeth's best tweets

@iliezabeth : ME: *dying* are you...the Grim Reaper? GRIM REAPER: WOW, WE LITERALLY JUST MET... PLEASE CALL ME GRIMOTHY. LET'S KEEP THIS PROFESSIONAL.

@iliezabeth: REPORTER: how does it feel that ur tweet got like 0 favs?
ME: it made me laugh so I dont think its so bad
R: how does it feel 2 be wrong tho

@iliezabeth: ME: can u pick me up in ur claws
DRAGON: go AWAY dammit
ME: can u just put me in ur mouth pls—I wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail

@iliezabeth: [suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight
K: Its chips & salsa
M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*

@iliezabeth: DRAGON: get AWAY from me
ME: let me pet ur scales pls
DRAGON: I don't even KNOW u
ME: breathe fire on me
DRAGON: *is creeped out*

@iliezabeth: CAT: mew
ME: indeed, u are correct kitty
CAT: mew
ME: well said, kitty, well said

FRIEND I FORGOT WAS THERE: are u ok...? Emotionally?

@iliezabeth: ALIEN:*points at Chihuahua* whats that?
ME: a dog
ALIEN:*points at Husky* whats that?
ME: dog
ALIEN:*getting angry, points at Pug* whats THA