@illTortuga: "Welcome to Panda Express"
"I'd like one panda"
"Sorry we don't sell pand-"
*slips cashier $100*
"Meet me in the back alley in ten minutes"
@illTortuga: "Hey, wanna hangout?" "Later." "Now?" "No, later" "How about now?" "Jesus christ." -if Adobe Updater was your friend
@illTortuga: I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta.
@illTortuga: From now on, when you see the word "minimum", good luck trying to not imagine a tiny British mother.
@illTortuga: I asked my Ouija board when I was going to get a girlfriend and it spelled out HAHAHAHAHA until it caught fire.
@illTortuga: Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me.