Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of illuminatedwndr's best tweets

@illuminatedwndr : the guy at Subway just put Cheetos on my sandwich. can't tell if he's stoned, or he knows that I am

@illuminatedwndr: AA MEETING

Chairman: Please, introduce yourself

Eminem: Hi! My name is..

C: What?

E: My name is..

C: Who?

E: Hi! My name is..

C: Huh?

@illuminatedwndr: are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies

@illuminatedwndr: I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore

@illuminatedwndr: hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it 'No Filter', go with a filter next time. serious

@illuminatedwndr: "Would you like to import all of your phonebook contacts to your Twitter account...?"

hahahaha yeah, that'll go well

@illuminatedwndr: I always like to keep $7000.00 on me in case I wanna stop at Whole Foods and get some fruit