Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ilovepie84's best tweets

@ilovepie84 : If we just refer to ISIS as "Nickelback" maybe nobody will want to join them

@ilovepie84: Tattoos tell a story, like tribal tattoos tell a story of a guy that wears sunglasses indoors.

@ilovepie84: "I'm going to show off my new belt by tucking in my T-shirt" -Men over 50.

@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.

@ilovepie84: If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you're intrested and afraid to talk to girls.

@ilovepie84: "When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window"-Birds

@ilovepie84: "Sure the Decepticons are trying to kill us, but at least the price of fuel is reasonable"

-Optimistic Prime.

@ilovepie84: I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.

@ilovepie84: I bet homophobic guys get reincarnated into condoms.

@ilovepie84: Whenever I see someone with spider web tattoos on their elbows I spray them with Raid and attempt to flush them down the toilet.