Funny Tweeter

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Page of jackiembouvier's best tweets

@jackiembouvier : [Tornado warning] Me: It says to seek shelter. Husband: We're in the house. M: They mean the basement. H: I'm more afraid of the basement than I am a tornado.

@jackiembouvier: I wear the same outfit for 3 days but when I'm going away for 3 days I pack enough clothes for 7 days just in case my personality completely changes while I'm gone.

@jackiembouvier: Age is just a number until your back goes out picking up a sock.

@jackiembouvier: My husband and I have reached the age that neither of us will get up to investigate even the strangest of noises.

@jackiembouvier: Friend: Your makeup looks nice.
Me: Thanks. I went to a wedding last weekend.

@jackiembouvier: My stylist cut my bangs too short so now I look like a dreadfully concerned 7 year old.

@jackiembouvier: I just slipped in the shower and my life flashed before my eyes but it was just a series of other times I almost fell.

@jackiembouvier: My charm is that I break people down over time; like waterboarding or marriage.

@jackiembouvier: Friend: I'm getting married!
Me: I suffer from IBS.
F: Why are you telling me that?
M: I thought we were just stating unfortunate truths.

@jackiembouvier: My son "popped his collar" so I'm dropping him off a block from school so no one sees me.