@jackmackenroth: When I refer to old relatives passing away I never say "RIP" because I don't wants them to rest. I want them to Zumba.
@jackmackenroth: It's saying something when you marry Charles Manson and you look like the crazy one.
@jackmackenroth: I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites' heroin addiction.
@jackmackenroth: Lately I've been getting in touch with my inner self.
I really need to switch to a better brand of toilet paper.
@jackmackenroth: My bank says my password isn't strong enough. Did it ever stop and think that my password has a lot going on right now?
@jackmackenroth: If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.
@jackmackenroth: If I had kids I would name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete so when they misbehaved I would just hit them all at once.
@jackmackenroth: I'm taking my mother-in-law to the new Resident Evil movie because she's staying with me and I love subliminal messages.