@jctwritesstuff: The smell of fresh cut grass. Freshly overturned dirt. The cold metal of a shovel. The fear in my neighbor's eyes as he mows his lawn at 7am
@jctwritesstuff: So let me get this straight. A dude comes back to life after three days and no one cuts his head off?
@jctwritesstuff: The war on Christmas? Yeah, I started it. But in my defense, maybe Santa warns a person before his home invasion and I don't take him out.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: *tied up*
Guy: *hits my kneecap*
M: I'm not a rat!
G: Bring in her sworn enemy!
G2: *tosses Rubik's Cube at me*
M: Oh god no! I'll talk!
@jctwritesstuff: Yeah, no, I don't have a FitBit. I'm pretty sure I have a solid grasp on how inactive I am. I don't need like bells and alarms and stuff.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this!
Him: Does it matter that much?
Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?
@jctwritesstuff: Me: Yeah like that, baby.
Him: *caresses my back, plays with my hair*
Him: *growls* I'm gonna do so many--
Me: *snores, drools*
@jctwritesstuff: *walks past yoga studio*
*looks in window*
Awesome. It's like kindergarten.
*walks into class*
*takes a nap*