Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of jdforshort's best tweets

@jdforshort : I'm just a girl trying to keep up with a guy on my Fitbit challenge who may be walking out more sexual frustration than me

@jdforshort: Green smoothies because who has the time or energy to chew 17 cups of spinach/lettuce/kale

@jdforshort: Laying in bed, watching the ceiling fan spin, my thoughts wonder to

1. Who turned the ceiling fan on
2. Why don't I have telekinetic powers

@jdforshort: 6 made coffee for me this morning, I'm now thinking that she can never move out of the house

@jdforshort: Everyone wants a bigger house until you have to dust

Now I'm dreaming of a one room shanty inside a bubble

@jdforshort: If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom

I guess it's finally time to shave my legs for spring

*Walks away with hedge trimmers

@jdforshort: A random guy held the door & paid for my Cinnabon roll at the truck stop today

He doesn't know it, but this is the best date in a long time

@jdforshort: [updating CW's iPhone]

M: You need more gigs

CW: I don't need no gigs I got a job

Having a smart phone doesn't make you smart.

@jdforshort: If my body ran half as much as my mind did, I would never have to skip dessert

@jdforshort: If flying by the seat of your pants was so easy, do you think I would still be dealing with morning traffic to get to work?